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Triangulation: The Narcissist's Approach to Jealousy and Control
In the world of narcissistic relationships, few tactics are as damaging and confusing as triangulation. Whether it's a coworker, an ex-partner, or even a friend, narcissists will often use the presence of a third party to instill insecurity and jealousy in their significant other. At Narc & Co, we understand how overwhelming this can be, and we're here to help you navigate this toxic dynamic and reclaim your sense of self.
What is Triangulation?
Triangulation occurs when a narcissist brings the opinion, perspective, or presence of another person into the relationship to cause emotional distress. In doing so, they create a “love triangle” that leaves you feeling vulnerable, insecure, and on shaky ground. Whether subtly mentioning an attractive coworker or comparing you to an ex, the narcissist’s goal is to shift the focus away from their own abusive behavior and to manipulate your emotions.
This tactic isn’t just about jealousy. It’s about control. By using triangulation, the narcissist seeks to undermine your self-esteem and keep you dependent on their validation. They want you to feel inferior and unstable, questioning your worth and desirability in their eyes.
Why Do Narcissists Use Triangulation?
Triangulation serves several key purposes in the narcissist's manipulation arsenal:
Diverting Attention: By introducing a third party into the mix, the narcissist distracts you from their abusive behavior. Instead of confronting their mistreatment, you may find yourself focused on this external "threat" or comparing yourself to the other person.
Weakening Self-Esteem: The constant comparison and uncertainty foster feelings of inadequacy. The narcissist may imply that the other person is better, more attractive, or more desirable, which chips away at your confidence and self-worth.
Creating Competition: Narcissists thrive on attention and love to see others competing for it. By making you feel as though you have to "win" their affection or attention over someone else, they maintain control over your emotions and keep you seeking their approval.
Power and Control: Triangulation allows the narcissist to maintain a position of power. They keep you in a state of uncertainty, never fully secure in your relationship, and more reliant on their validation for your sense of worth.
The Emotional Impact of Triangulation
The effects of triangulation can be devastating. It often leaves victims feeling insecure, jealous, and desperate for reassurance. You may find yourself comparing your looks, talents, or accomplishments to the third party, wondering if you’ll ever be “good enough” in the narcissist’s eyes. This constant state of comparison can lead to anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and even depression.
Triangulation also isolates you. It can make you distrustful of others, including the third party, who may be entirely unaware of the narcissist's manipulations. The narcissist creates a false sense of competition, driving a wedge between you and potential sources of support.
How to Recognise and Overcome Triangulation
Understanding that triangulation is a deliberate tactic designed to manipulate you is the first step toward breaking free from its hold. Here are some key strategies to help you regain control:
Trust in Yourself: Recognise that triangulation is about the narcissist's need for control, not a reflection of your worth. The comparisons are superficial and manipulative. Trust in your own strengths, talents, and qualities.
Know It’s Not Personal: The narcissist’s need to triangulate isn’t because of anything lacking in you. It’s a reflection of their own deep insecurities and inability to form healthy, stable relationships. The third party being used to manipulate you is often just as much a pawn in the narcissist's game as you are.
Seek Validation from Healthy Sources: One of the best ways to counter the effects of triangulation is to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Seek validation from those who truly care about you and see your value beyond the narcissist's manipulations.
Set Boundaries: Triangulation often occurs when boundaries are weak. Practice setting clear emotional and personal boundaries with the narcissist. Don’t allow them to drag you into comparisons or competition with others. If they bring up someone else in conversation, refuse to engage or entertain the topic.
Focus on Your Healing: Remember, healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey. At Narc & Co, we offer mentoring from survivors who have been where you are and know the complexities of overcoming these tactics. Our mentors provide you with the tools and support to navigate your recovery from triangulation and other narcissistic abuse patterns.
You Deserve Better
Triangulation can leave you feeling disoriented, insecure, and questioning your own self-worth. But remember, this is a tactic designed to manipulate your emotions, not a reflection of your value. By understanding the narcissist's motives and seeking validation from healthy sources, you can break free from the toxic cycle of triangulation.
At Narc & Co, we are here to support you every step of the way. Our mentors, all of whom have survived and healed from narcissistic abuse, are dedicated to helping you rebuild your self-worth and reclaim your life. Whether you're dealing with triangulation or other manipulative tactics, you don’t have to face this journey alone. We are here to guide you through the process of healing and rediscovering your inner strength.
At Narc & Co, we offer specialised mentoring for those recovering from narcissistic abuse. With personal experience and professional expertise, our team is committed to helping you heal and rebuild your life. Contact us today to start your journey toward freedom and self-love.
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